July was a month full of first dates crammed close together. It drained me more than I expected.
That sounds awful – to call people a drain – but as an introvert, that’s exactly how new people and new situations affect me. Each date brought an influx of new sensory details: different smells, voices, mannerisms, environments, and expectations.
It was a lot to take in at once, and I had to sort through it all-what I liked, what I could tolerate, and what I couldn’t. What felt cute in the moment but might annoy me later? And in this season of transition, would I prioritize work or love?
The people I met
Guy A was incredibly shy, but, in the beginning, he showed up every day – checking in, making conversation, keeping things interesting.
Guy B was confident and thoughtful, but more reserved, and honestly, his hair oil was overwhelmingly strong.
Through these dates, I realized there were two criteria that mattered most to me:
Support
Right now, I’m going through a difficult transition. I need a partner who instills confidence and motivation. If I bring them a problem, big or small, I don’t want empty platitudes. I also don’t need them to fix it – unless I ask.
One of the guys did this beautifully. He helped me untangle what I was really upset about, validated my feelings, and reminded me that I’m strong and independent enough to get through it.
Chemistry
I didn’t think chemistry mattered to me as much as it does, but when I met someone who checked so many boxes yet sparked no chemistry, I realized how essential it is. Without it, everything else feels flat. We could have been great friends, but nothing more.
With Guy B, though, the chemistry was undeniable. He thought of me when we weren’t together, sent me pictures I adored, and even got me a gift I truly loved. We were just about to cross into spending time with each other’s friends.
Who did I choose?
In the end, I chose no one. The support I needed wasn’t there, and while the chemistry was fun, it felt a bit childish – sweet but incomplete. So I decided to prioritize myself and my other commitments instead of continuing with either.
To be honest, I tried to end things with both of them, but I didn’t have the strength to follow through. In the end, it was Guy B who broke things off first, telling me I seemed distant – which was true. Strangely enough, that gave me the clarity and courage I needed to finally end things with Guy A as well.
(Mind you, I haven’t seen or talked to Guy A in nearly a month. 😅
Maybe, we should have just continued ghosting each other?)